From 1-4 this afternoon, I’m taking part in a “pet expert” event at Pet Valu and Groomingdales in Bedford, Nova Scotia, and rather than thinking about foxes and domestication, which I should be doing to prepare, I’ve spent all morning thinking about grooming.

You know those women who look like they’ve just stepped out of a salon? Every hair in place, their makeup is so expertly applied you can’t even tell they have pores, dressed in fashionable, colour-coordinated clothing that makes them look taller/thinner/stronger/ and yet comfortable, regardless of the time of day?  I am totally in awe of those women.

THIS is what I look like in real life!

I am absolutely not one of them. I deliberately cut my hair to work with my natural curl, so I can spend 5 minutes scrunching it instead of 45 minutes drying and straightening, because:

• 1. I do NOT have my hairdresser’s skill
• 2. I am seriously impatient, taking shortcuts and risking ear burns
• 3. I’m half blind without my glasses and have to style by touch, even on the front of my head

It takes me a good 20 minutes to do a basic makeup application, and I only paint my toenails, because finger polish does not survive my keyboard. And while we’re being honest, one of the reasons I became a writer is because sweat pants are not only acceptable work-day attire, they’re practically our uniform.

So every time I see one of those lovely, put-together women, I am struck with both wonder and jealousy. I have no idea how they manage it. But when I consider how much time a similar look would take me to achieve, I am awfully glad that being glamorous is not part of my job description.

What about you, ladies? How much time do you devote to grooming every day? Do you embrace or eshew the “girly”? And guys, I’d love to hear from you, too – what mysteries of male grooming do you accept or avoid?