Monday I slipped while trying to put change in a parking meter and landed hard on the ice. I’ve got a sprained ankle, a very crabby knee, and a collection of rainbow-coloured bruises over various bits of my anatomy. But it could be worse. A colleague tore ligaments doing the same kind of thing this week. And author-friend KV Johansen, who lives a bit west of here in New Brunswick, told me she went out snowshoeing and tripped over her clothesline.
Clearly, winter is out to get us. So here are five handy survival tips to help you avoid a similar fate:
1) Stay indoors. Why would you want to go out in this weather anyway? The wind will blow your ears off in about five seconds, and the air is so cold, you’ll suffocate because your nostrils have frozen shut. Load up on storm chips and hibernate until spring.
2) Really? You’re insisting on going outside? Sigh. Then forget the heels – get yourself some proper boots, the kind with treads deeper than the ones on your winter tires. This is not about style, ladies, it’s about safety.
3) Remember we are all seniors in training, so start walking like it. Take short, slow steps. Plan the placement of each foot as if you’re a general planning troop movements. Winter is war, and it’s your job to minimize casualties.
4) Watch the ground, not the scenery. Don’t worry that you’re not making friendly eye contact with the people you pass – they’re too busy scanning for black ice to notice, anyway.
5) Hockey pads. Just sayin’.
And an extra bonus tip for those of you who, like me, can barely walk around your own house without your glasses: When you get back inside, don’t try to move for at least five minutes. You’re a danger to yourself and others until the ice fog on your lenses clears!
Stay safe everybody! And share your winter survival tips in the comments.
Come hang with me and my science author friends! The party takes place on Facebook, and everyone is welcome to attend (it is not necessary to “friend” me, but if you want to, you certainly can). The event should be a lot of fun, and there will also be a chance to win great prizes. See you there!