Back spasm results in a lot of hours on the couch with a heating pad, and when my eyeballs get tired of reading, it’s movie time.
Tech Support and I tried to watch Highlander (1986), a fantasy about a group of immortal beings locked in a fight to the death. Sean Connery, we figured. 7.2 on IMDB, we figured. How bad can it be?
BAD, is the answer. So, SO bad. Not only does this movie suffer from the slowest, most boring sword fights ever filmed, it makes absolutely no sense. Here are just a few of the questions that the first half of the movie failed to answer:
- They’re immortal. Regular people can’t kill them, as evidenced by the way the titular character survived that sucking gut wound. And yet somehow they can kill each other?
- They can’t have kids, so it’s not like the immortal gene gets passed down through the generations. So how do regular blokes end up “quickening” and becoming immortal? What makes them so lucky? Where do they come from in the first place?
- WHY can there only be one? Why the heck are they all fighting each other in the first place? Is there some kind of prize for the sole survivor, because immortality sure doesn’t look like much of a prize.
- And if, in fact, there can only be one, why on earth would Sean Connery bother training up some hapless jerk Highlander whom he will ultimately have to kill or be killed by?
- Also, evil immortal dude tries to strangle the Highlander’s mortal girlfriend. And then somehow he’s gone and she’s dying of old age. AND WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO RESCUED HER, OR WHERE EVIL DUDE RAN OFF TO.
Needless to say, we did not finish this movie. And yes, OK, it’s fantasy. It does not have to play by the rules of our world (breaking those rules is kind of the point). But make believe worlds still have rules, and those rules have to make sense within the boundaries of the world.
I promise that my own fantasy novel will make sense. It’s way, way too annoying otherwise.
Have you seen Highlander? Am I missing some critical piece of data that somehow ties it all together? Any suggestions for other fantasy movies I should watch during my convalescence?